I Don't Mean to be Counting the Days but...

Well... Today its raining, back to normal. Dad was really lucky he came on the one week of stunning weather. And the truth is now that its raining again, I don't mind. I maybe even missed it a little because in the morning when you hear that rain sound, and you're so warm and just waking, its like..a feeling. A really great, dim light, shushing rain lullaby but in the morning kind of feeling. And I realize just how far I've come since my first few weeks here... I can now successfully carry conversation in Italian, walk the streets of Florence without my ratty old map, I know where certain caffe's and shops are and their hours, and I've discovered my favorite places for tiramisu. It's a blessing. It really is. I was so stubborn and filled with anxiety and fought with everything I could to reject learning Italian and accepting this culture because I was pissed I was put somewhere without my best friends, my wonderful family, my sofa and collection of books and dvds. But I've definitely learned something about adjusting and becoming more open to things even when its another culture that doesn't quite do things your way. (You won't believe me but I've eaten chicken liver pate which is a Tuscan delicacy, and also has anchovie ground up in it, and it was delicious.)

Needless to say, I miss you. And I miss it all...still. It's midterms and spring break starts Saturday. I should be looking forward to this vacation and don't get me wrong, I am! I'm going to be three days each in Amsterdam, Scotland and England, trying new foods and hearing new accents. I'll be seeking out new pastries and foreign beers and walking my ass off to compensate. And yet, because its the middle of my semester here abroad, I've been thinking about you. A lot. I miss your laughs, I miss your smiles, I miss your presence in the room with me, even in the same town as me. I miss our foods, I miss our comforts. Who knew I'd lament being so far from dill pickles, cookie dough, blockbuster, starbucks, asphalt streets, oak trees, mexican food and bathrooms without those weird butt cleaners... baday or whatever. hahaha. They're still stupid to me and I refuse to acknowledge them. I miss my dogs and donuts. I miss backyards and lawns and American poetry. I even miss the tv shows even though I never watch tv.

Being here has made me realize how firmly rooted I am in my identity. Maybe rooted isnt the right word because I feel like I absorb things like a sponge and take it in, I really don't have that big a grudge with change, but I've discovered that I do not like the European lifestyle and could not live here. I've discovered that I can adjust, compromise, learn from and appreciate an entirely different culture. But I've discovered how much pride and love I have for where I come from, and how truly, truly fortunate I am to have been born where I was. I've found out that I don't like to travel too much because I like being comfortable and surrounded in the niche I've created for myself, but that I don't take for granted the amazing things that occur when I'm completely outside of my comfort zone. It aint easy. But it sure is cool. All in all, I miss you. I miss all of you. Being here, I think I get it now. Its probably just being on the verge of yet another adventure into unknown places that makes me feel slightly frazzled, and makes me wish for a bit of Chicago, a piece of Maine. Thank God for my iPod. Hearing voices like Fred Astaire, John Mayer, Stevie Wonder, Alison Kraus, they take me right back there with you. It's a fantastic wonderful thing I get to experience here, but I just wanted to tell you all that you mean the world to me, and I think about you everyday. Love love love
Em